Scrame

[Juggling of the future.]

Juggling has gone too far. For those of you who think that juggling is just an annoying thing that hippies do, or what the pretentious theatre fucks in high school did instead of making friends, then you should know that the history of juggling is actually a long one.

[They want your fucking money.]

In prehistoric human society, there were still annoying hippies, but they were harder to suss out due to the fact that everyone else was filthy and smelly, and it was before bumper stickers and shitty german vans, so it was more of a behavioral thing. Unfortunately juggling was also a measure of ones technique and agility in ancient society. The role that juggling played was similar to where people see it today: public places and during times of celebration. For the first few years it was still a novelty, before the novelty wore off and the irritating personality of the juggler shone through. Which is why with the advent of ceremonial burials of the leaders and high ranking members of the tribe, the rest of the townsfolk never missed an opportunity to seal some jugglers in the tomb. It usually managed to make the activity die down, but inevitably, there was some punk ass kid who was too lame to hunt mastodon and sabre tooth tigers, so he would take up juggling until the next elder died.

This was a natural kind of harmony, though it did keep the death rate high, it was mostly people that the rest of the folks didn’t want to see breeding because they would just be overrun with little juggler bastards.

Fast forward to the dark ages. Jugglers are still around, but they juggle objects stolen from corposes and dead rats, which they occasionally threaten to throw at people to give them the plague unless they applaud the performance and therefore validate the self worth of the person doing the juggling. We all know how that turned out. Its also a well known fact that the roman emporer nero was actually juggling instead of fiddling, as fiddles don’t exist.

As you can see the evolution to annoyances in prehistoric times to sheer vindictiveness that was responsible for leveling Europe with disease is a part of the same irritating pattern of behavior, but somehow much worse.

The anti-social juggler strain of behavior continued in europe through the victorian eras, where it became the equivalent of a swear word and was relegated to the mens parlors, wig shops and other dens of iniquity, which is naturally how it got transported to the americas in the late 19th century: for Pornographic Vaudville shows. An irritating juggler (sometimes on a unicycle for extra obnoxiousness), would juggle 19th century dildos, an act considered sacriligious and lewd, at least according to MY history books.

In the early 20th century, as vaudeville became the mainstay of American entertainment, jugglers began a long war with ventriloquist dummies, often in an old timey slap fight, with the puppet master just sitting tearfully while a juggler threatened to throw a ball at him, but instead just kept juggling and talking about juggling.

This all changed with the introduction and mass acceptance of movies, and then television. Suddenly, being berated by a smug prick with a pony tail juggling bowling pins didn’t seem very entertaining, plus the variety of entertainment expanded, leaving people with insatiable appetites for more and more programming, whereas jugglers could not improvise new routines as quickly as the viewers demanded, and eventually found themselves being forced out of the new media while those fuckers with the marionette puppets could just keep churning their shit out.

Defeated once again, the juggling community began the most insidious of its drives: child recruiting. By burying the hateful perversions of their past, they repackaged juggling as being some kind of hobby in a vaguely educational way that kids could enjoy, and enough parents tried it out, having not been accustomed to juggling themselves, and instead seeking far better venues of entertainment: pornography, experimental drug testing, and animal orgy bars to name a few.

Suddenly a new generation had been introduced to the black art of juggling. Kids formed clubs and grew up to go to conventions. They would practice anywhere, especially public places, and sometimes dress up like clowns or some other terrifying fucking nightmare to spread the evil ideas into the dreams of children.

Jugglers, despite whatever they say to the contrary, are people with black hearts and remorseless minds. They subsist merely on sponging off of other people and find joy only in their perpetual aggravation. Unlike the stage magician, who does boring tricks and tries to convince people they are real by being drunk and shouting at their assisstants, jugglers will latch on to you and follow you around, trying to get you to either be annoyed by them, give them money, or both.

Never give them money. Money to a juggler is largely wasted since they can only eat garbage. The money is collected by a series of increasingly high ranked jugglers and deposited into a swiss bank account, which goes largely to keep lawyers on container to harass and intimidate anyone that the juggling community considers a “suppressive person”, which means that to a juggler, it is perfectly alright to start juggling chainsaws towards them. The lawyers all make it happen.

Just my 2 cents.

Hookbrains are the new threat, I think. There could be more of them than you know. Carpenter’s “They Live” might have just been the beginning. Its not that we have been unknowingly taken over by an alien race, just to live out lives in servitude of technology while allowing an alien terraforming to take place, instead, we are simply trying to terraform ourselves to be driven to the standard that we have idealized: tan. Thats obviously not the whole story, but regardless of what the overall “plan” is, there is a key building block in making that happen, which are hookbrains.

Hookbrains, obviously are brains with brainhooks, so a more descriptive title would just be pointless. The behavior is what is under observation. Hookbrains are like most other people (who most likely are hookbrains themselves), and manage to live day to day having jobs or going to classes or doing pushups, or whatever else most folks do. Hookbrains, however live their social life by following trends indicated by their environment. In this, they present a paradox: freethinking individuals who spiritually, rather than instinctually react to environmental stimulus. Hookbrains tend to latch on to whatever is presented to them as being popular or correct, rather than basing it on their own knowledge or experience.

True to the name, hookbrains glom on to other brains that have a hook-acceping protocol, and they are most likely hookbrains. There might be large groups of these cruising along hooked on to each others brains without any idea or sense of irony, without ever sensing a need for leadership or the gumption to take it themselves. Simply cruising along, attached to whatever and having whatever attachments they have let other hookbrains lay into them.

So how are hookbrains a threat? They are a threat to your current branding strategy.

But like my mom always said: “see every threat as an opportunity, an opportunity for mindshare.”

I’ve attached a diagram below:

[A venn diagram]

So, in your future campaigns, just ask yourself: “Am I leading a cloud of hookbrains, or am I just the dragged wake of a catchier master hookbrain?