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THE CHINESE RESTAURANT
ROY is in the kitchen working at cleaning out the various
pots used to make the soups and the rear counters are
covered in heaps of squid and pig parts.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
62.
ROY
BURGLERS! THIEVES! I CURSE THE
BASTARDS WHO LET MY ZOMBIE HORDE
OUT OF HIDING! Who was it. Dammit,
Its not like I get a lot of
customers, or really that my zombie
horde was mature enough to unleash
on the populace. It must have been
those two junkies. Well, it can’t
be that bad. Zombies eat junkies
like candy because they work like
painkillers! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ROY continues to scrub vigorously, chuckling to himself.
Suddenly, DR MCCALLISTER walks in briskly.
ROY
What do you want? We’re closed.
DR MCCALLISTER
I know, but this plot is being
driven by coincidence and a small
number of characters, and I havn’t
been in any scenes for a long time.
ROY
So whats the coincidence?
DR MCCALLISTER
Well, you were laughing maniacally
as just part of your character, and
thats the same idiosyncracy that I
have. I thought we could meet over
a steaming bucket of pig tripe.
ROY
Sounds grand. The names Roy.
DR MCCALLISTER
Yes, you’ve shouted that in your
dialogue, I believe. So, one bucket
of steaming pig tripe!
ROY
Oh, c’mon now. You dont want to eat
this crap. I think you want to try
my “specially seasoned” bowl of pig
guts. Its much better than this
generic tripe I serve.
DR MCCALLISTER
Splendid. Its wonderful that we
live in the future where everybody
loves eating pig guts all the time.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
63.
ROY
I just feel lucky to have gotten in
on the ground floor.
DR MCCALLISTER
Yep, you are probably sitting
pretty.
ROY finishes up the pot he’s working on, and washes off his
hands.
ROY
Just a minute. Got some secret
recipe down over here.
Roy walks to the other side of the room and pulls the cover
off a mini fridge underneath the ducks hanging in the
window. He pops it open, and pulls out two ziplock bags from
a pile. Walks them over to the stove and empties them both
into small pots.
ROY
Single serve! Keep them around and
you always have tripe handy.
DR MCCALLISTER
Thats great, must be great for a
rainy day.
ROY
Obviously. So who are you and what
do you do?
DR MCCALLISTER
My name is DR MCCALLISTER, I work
for the Adkins Corporation. Well,
I’m actually a scientist that
developed the organic reacting
reagent thats apparently driving
the overall plot of this, but for
the most part the story has been
aimless bullshit.
ROY
Yeah, sometimes it feels like I am
the pig ears in the tasty bowl of
tripe. No pig ears in this
seasoning though. So what about the
reagent?
DR MCCALLISTER
Well, as you know we are in the
future, and there has been lots of
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
64.
DR MCCALLISTER (cont’d)
pollution. So much that the average
passerby or non vital character is
probably walking around with a
lethal dose of it, but the main
characters have survived either by
environmental conditioning, or by
being deliberately aware of it and
having the means to stay above it.
ROY
Whats that last part mean?
DR MCCALLISTER
Well, it means you havnt been
poisoned because you spend your day
rooting in pig swing, and I
havn’t been poisoned because I am
a scientist so clearly I have an
antidote or something.
ROY
Gotcha.
DR MCCALLISTER
So anyway, the idea is that I have
made something that can be exposed
to the public, and kind of control
them. Like giving suggestions to
zombies. For the most part it
works, but its a reactive chemical,
so it has to be exposed to people
who are susceptible, and all it
does is ensure that we have a kind
of “first suggestion”, if we have
the right equipment. Unfortunately
its all much too early, we have the
hooks and prototypes, but nothing
proven.
ROY
Tripes ready!
ROY pulls off two styrofoam bowls from the now reconstructed
pile and serves up some delicious hot swine gut soup.
DR MCCALLISTER
Good lord! My mother couldn’t have
made tripe like this.
ROY
Secret recipe.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
65.
The two men enjoy a bit of soup in silence, but DR
MCCALLISTER finally breaks the silence.
DR MCCALLISTER
So I gave you the gist of my being
here. Whats your story?
ROY
Well, I was raising zombies in an
underground dungeon, but i think a
cat broke in and let them out while
he was trying to eat one of my
ducks.
DR MCCALLISTER
Thats awful!
ROY
Not really, I was able to salvage
most of the duck. I passed it off
as squid.
DR MCCALLISTER
I mean the zombies!
ROY
Well, in character, I actually
think it was these two scumbags,
but that line about the duck was
the only funny thing the writer has
come up with in 65 pages.
DR MCCALLISTER
Junkies?
ROY
Yeah, a couple of scumbags. I just
blame them, but it was clearly a
cat or something that was chewing
on the duck. Well, other than the
obvious zombie bites?
DR MCCALLISTER
Wait, you salvaged a duck that had
been chewed on by your army of
zombies in the dungeon under your
kitchen?
ROY
Its a horde, not an army. And I cut
around the bites. Zombie isn’t
contagious, this isn’t some fucking
movie! Its the future, remember?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
66.
DR MCCALLISTER
Of course, the future. And if any
of those zombies make it im sure
i’ll control them soon enough.
ROY
There’s looking at the brighter
side of things!
